DOOM ON. Maybe.

Ah, Doom, sweet Doom! It’s what brought me and DMc together, really.

Once upon a time in late 2006, a Program Manager with a slightly snarky sense of humor and a penchant for salmon-colored polo shirts pointed me and DMc at each other for discussion of a particular doom-esque topic. He thought he was being simply hilarious by encouraging the alpha-personality-nerds to converse for his amusement. Two years later, DMc and I got married, so that guy’s joke either backfired or was far more successful than he could possibly have imagined.

DMc has always been known as something of a fanboi of conspiracy theories and the high-profile internet forums that propagate them. This equals me having become considerably open-minded about possibilities and exceptionally jaded all at once. In our household, my husband gazes upon blaring fear-porn headlines and thread titles with eyes shining with joyful anticipation. I sigh deeply and start crawling my go-to news websites for validation and/or debunking.

Lately, it’s been about 50/50 bunk/legit bad shit, which is freaking terrifying if you think about it. Let that sink in. Collect yourself. I’ll wait.

Oh, I’m sure we’ve come this close to The Four Horsemen before, but we never KNEW it because information (and disinformation) could not heretofore tear through the internet into our connected devices for instant consumption faster than the speed of light. I mean, I certainly hope this isn’t really a case of Armageddon Being Nigh. There is, however, a boatload of very disturbing news flowing in all at once. I can usually maintain equilibrium as the Master Debunk-er. Usually.

At this particular juncture, I am finding it more and more challenging to avoid getting sucked into the conspiracy theory rabbit hole with the currently available data on this Novel Coronavirus out of Wuhan. I’m all for coincidences, and a big believer in synchronicities‚Ķbut this is just bordering on ludicrous, y’all. The timing, the epicenter being a major travel hub for the region, the bio lab being right there. I’ve seen a chart and map page that shows the escalation of infections and casualties worldwide. It’s very troubling.

*checks numbers for first time eight hours*
Ummm…whaFUCK. Less than good, that.
*shakes head, blinks rapidly, refocuses*

Nobody really knows (or is willing to tell) what this alleged virus thingy is. Theories abound, from the misinformed, to the wildly speculative, to the disturbingly feasible. Those are the worst, because the publicly available data do not dismiss ’em outright. All kinds of things are possible, and every cough, sniffle, or hot flash makes me clench. DMc and I are both getting over some random Crud I brought back home from FL – I had it much worse, because if it’s bronchial in any fashion, of course I will. So, yes, we have in fact wondered aloud if perhaps the Coronavirus is already here, and has been since at least December. Maybe we just survived it. Maybe not. Who can tell? Apparently nobody. I guess we’ll all find out eventually.

So. What do we do about 2020 Potential Pandemic 1.0? Well, I believe that this is one of those instances in which some half-assed shelter-in-place prepping is actually called for. Based on the mainstream news reporting available to date, where this thing hits, lockdowns ensue. OK. Let’s assume that we get locked down in our Big City Suburb. Here at the McCasa, we have stocked up with enough stuff for two adult humans and three cats for up to 4 weeks. Fridge, freezer, and pantry foodstuffs. 75 lbs of cat litter. Toilet paper, paper towels, masks and nitrile gloves we already had on hand. Cleaning supplies including a couple of big jugs of bleach. Toiletries. Fresh refills on prescription medications. Embarrassing amounts of Dayquil, Nyquil, Mucinex, and Vicks VapoRub. OH‚Ķand the most important, if you’re stuck with me on lockdown for a while: puh-lenty of wine, whiskey, and B&B.

As I said to DMc last night, “We might go, but but let’s try to go on our own terms: in our jammies, slightly squiffed, and hugging each other.” If nothing happens, wonderful! We’ll have a lot of pasghettios to eat up, though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.